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I want a love that looks past positions [entries|friends|calendar]
too.emo.for.you. sad face

POLITICS , MUSIC & DRUGS
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(1 !| ?)

[Sunday, October 31st, 2004!]
lj = death_by_vinyl

aim = o michigan state

if you still care...if not...whatever...I guess it's about time some of us parted ways anyhow. I never was one for goodbyes

(?)

and really it's like everything. [Wednesday, October 27th, 2004!]
[ mood | loved ]

Sometimes all I can do is sit back and sigh and hope to god someone up there is watching out for me better than I am watching out for myself. And then he tells me I'm pretty, and I blush and feel 12 all over again. I like it. He tells me he loves me and I smile back. He tells me I have a beautiful smile and we kiss in the rain. And at that exact moment, time stopped and we were the only two people on the earth still breathing. So this is love...

(4 !| ?)

[Monday, October 18th, 2004!]
[ mood | depressed ]

Do you ever get those days where you wish you could remember what it felt like to be happy?...

Do you ever get days where you wish you could remember what it felt like to feel wanted?...

Do they ever seem to happen on the same day?...

(?)

Sorry Im such a winey ass baby... [Sunday, October 17th, 2004!]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I MISS MOCHA!!!



espy, want to go see him on my fall break? I have thursday, friday, and saturday off...if you are interested at all...

(4 !| ?)

[Friday, October 15th, 2004!]
[ mood | sad ]

Someone love me. Love me good and leave some money on my bedside table?

So this is what I have become. It all gets distilled to this. If only I had known I would end up here, I think I would have taken some different turns. Maybe not though, I guess I just would have dome a little more lying, cheating, and stealing. maybe I should do that now. *sigh* I'm sad.

(2 !| ?)

Let's just say I'm glad I have a wetsuit on [Tuesday, October 12th, 2004!]
[ mood | STEVE FIG PUNCH ATTACK ]



NO TIME FOR LOVE DR. JONES!

(5 !| ?)

pro-lifers can suck my aborted fetus [Tuesday, October 5th, 2004!]
[ mood | sad ]

I have illusions of being an art student. Then I realized I suck at art. Then bff ruined my dreams by telling me I would need a portfolio to get it. So much for art school?

I think I just really want to smoke clove cigarettes and hate the world...I guess I'm halfway there.

I'm a shitty gf. I wouldn't want to date me...

I like spending the night at other people's houses...but I want the dog to stay with me...I really like sleeping with dogs...I like hugging them too...I miss my dog.

I hate myself and want to die...but Jesus Christ I look good...it's sad that really, thats only a half truth. I need a hug...

I'm feeling needy...it's too bad everyone that matters is asleep and everyone not asleep is a jackass. *sigh*

(13 !| ?)

This may be kinda sad but... [Wednesday, September 29th, 2004!]
[ mood | stressed ]

Fuck my future.

(11 !| ?)

[Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004!]
[ mood | sad ]

IM SO SAD. Tokio died...fucking fish. *sigh*

(18 !| ?)

[Tuesday, September 21st, 2004!]
My room smells like disney land....

















































































By Disney land I mean sex..........












































The End.

(?)

[Friday, September 17th, 2004!]
onions make me cry

the bff is cooking for me! Does anyone know how hard it is to find a fucking pot here?.....this kid named andy is so ethnic. HA ethnics..........

Pierogies are weird. I have not had one. The onions we are cooking with them make me want to cry

i want sex now

I BURNT MYSELF! It really fucking hurts, if I were you I would NOT touch the top of the stove to see if it was hot.....

I still want sex RIGHT FUCKING NOW.....

I guess we will see how that turns out?.......

I miss my bff and he is in the doorway flipping lights.....hot sex

(2 !| ?)

I got emails [Wednesday, September 15th, 2004!]
how do you personally feel about spaghetti O's from the can?...

I smoke too much. I need to be smoking now.

Is it really lame that I get sad when I don't get an "I love you good night"...?...yeah...it is...you can tell me so.

(6 !| ?)

I promise my next entry won't be all shitty, in fact, don't read this one [Sunday, September 12th, 2004!]
I don't like how fucking sad I am right now. Someone kick me in the face and give me a reason to be sad. Why so I sound like a parent?

Why am I SO needy? I hate myself for it. I really hope you never hate that about me...and I'm sorry I'm sad and I'm sorry I need you to tell me that you love me so much. Really, you don't have to, I understand that you'll get sick of it...if you aren't already

I hate it that I've never been in a "relationship" with anyone that I have ever done anything with. I hate that when I talk to some of these people all they seem to remember about me is fucking around. They don't remember me as a person, they don't remember any of my thoughts or feelings, or hopes, or fears, or dreams...if I ever told them...that really fucking hurts. It makes me feel slutty.

I'm sorry I equate sex with love. Thats something I guess I should have learned not to do. That just makes everything hurt more. Why was no one around to tell me that love would hurt so fucking much even if its so great?...

Maybe I guess it kinda hurts that I love someone in the forever kinda way but they won't be with me. At least not now? I don't know. I don't know ANYTHING anymore. I could be lying. I know what variance is...

I know you promised forever but sometimes Im not sure how long your forever is...I hope it's as long as mine. I hope we do everything that we say we are going to do...like get a dog, and live together, and get matching tattoos, and jump out of a plane, and have kids, and everything else. I love that we have a pet and mostly I love that it's something that is OURS. Tokio is amazing because we are amazing. I love that he is so hardcore. I will have pics sometime. Although it took some effort. Tokio is no cam whore. He's too fucking hardcore for that shit. Fuck vanity.

I hate how people always ask about you. I wish they would ask you and the two of you and not me. I really don't want anything to do with it.......yeah no one but you needs to know this. I'll stop this here. Maybe this should be its own fucking post. I don't know....

I feel shitty when people make me feel like things are my fault even if they arent't. Sometimes I start to believe them.

I'm sorry I'm a sad drunk and I'm sorry I cried and I'm sorry that I make you sad. I don't mean to, I just want you to be happy. I'm sorry if Im too sentimental. Sometimes I hate that about myself. Really, I think I could be a hopeless romantic at heart. And that fucking kills me, really, it does. Like I just want to go to the middle of nowhere and dance with you outside in the rain to the music playing in your car. And I want you to hold me and love me and always be there. Maybe I'm being selfish with all this, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to be. I guess thats just who I am.

My tears are overly salty....they burn my eyes.

Also I'm still being selfish because really I don't want you to ever have another best friend. I should be it. I'm sorry I take up so much of your time. Sorry I want to be with you all the time. Sorry I make you feel shitty about wanting to do other things. I think sometimes I do it but really, I don't mean to. It's just sad when you say you don't think you are going to see me at night. I love seeing you and being with you. I don't care if we never do anything ever but lay in bed together for the rest of our lives and never leave. Maybe I'm being sentimental again. I'm sorry.

Sorry that this really has nothing to do with most of you...I told you I'm selfish. Also I told you not to read this. So...

I'm sorry that sometimes I don't know what to say to you and Im sorry that I lie and Im sorry that Im so sorry all the time.

(18 !| ?)

I MISS MOCHA [Thursday, August 26th, 2004!]
[ mood | aerodynamic ]

I BIT SOMEONE TONIGHT! It was fun.

I wanna be a kennedy

I had a high speed chase last night.
"Who signals during a highspeed chase?"
"It's a fake out!!!"
Oh and it was. Who knows you better than you know yourself? ME!...

(16 !| ?)

Hug me I'm emo [Saturday, July 17th, 2004!]
[ mood | irate ]

I have love handles and they are really neat. I like to touch them.

(4 !| ?)

I hate you sometimes [Thursday, July 15th, 2004!]
I want some toast. I got my ham sandwich though and it made me smile like this :D not like this :) but like this :D and then I became a guitar god in the time span of 30 minutes or less. Worship me.

What does the south smell like? Also someone come smell my shirt and tell me if it smells brown...

popcorn and orange juice are great

I would show everyone my angry face. GRRRRRRR! and you'd be all WOAH shes mad. yeah.

I love snow peas.

I just lie about important things.

ummmmm the blowfish could be my fav pic series ever. EVER.

(6 !| ?)

I want a lover I don't have to love [Monday, July 12th, 2004!]
[ mood | sad ]

and a car that runs on dreams.

I can promise you will stay as beautiful with dark hair and soft skin forever.

I want a girl thats too sad to fuck and boy thats too drunk to talk. mmhmmm

I think I'm finally drunk enough to drive you home.

Let's Tesselate!

Why learn math? I'm a cartoon! I don't have to.

(4 !| ?)

[Saturday, July 10th, 2004!]
popsicles=yummmmmm
emotuesday=sadface
bi=f
me=jesus/judas=attentionwhorecommentnow
bff=god/satan
payingforcollege=stirrups+turkeybaster
darkparkinglots=sex
neverusingthespacebar=art
showeringregularly=overrated
you=dillhole
you+me=us
methreedaysfromnow=sceneasfuck=toocoolforyou
nnl=onlywhensometimeiswaytoofunnyfornoise
jnl=iwantit
thisupdate=betterthanyoucouldevercomprehend
hiyah=stab
computertime=<3
(curves/=stripclub)=sadface
usingmathinljupdate=somewheremradleriscryingbecauseheissoproudofme
coney=conezone=sex
me=sooooooooooooootiredsleepyface
miscarriageman+flyingfetus=fetusslingingsuperheros
spidermantwo=youcan'tgetoffuntilyougeton=slutty
soundeffects=great
dancingdaisysprinkler=omgwheredidhegetitwatchmygreatimpressionchchch
specialbffonlypost=nosadfaceforme:)

(6 !| ?)

[Sunday, July 4th, 2004!]
I believe that lovers should be chained together thrown into a fire with their songs and letters, left there to burn left there to burn in their arrogance

I'M WAY EXCITED ABOUT THIS GLOW IN THE DARK SHREK HEAD AND I NEED ONE PROOF OF PURCHACE FROM TOASTER PASTRIES TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. I'D LOVE IT IF SOMEONE WOULD GIVE ME THEIRS. I PROMISE YOU COULD LOOK AT MY SHREK HEAD...IN THE DARK EVEN SO YOU CAN SEE IT GLOW!!!!!!

that was rediculously capitolized. I'm sorry. But I'm really, really excited about shreks head glowing....its ogre sized too!!!....

Nothing says I LOVE AMERICA!!!!! like getting drunk, blowing shit up, and giving the vets flashbacks from their days in nam....

(?)

I took a shower so someone had better do something with me tonight or I will cry my fucking eyes out [Sunday, July 4th, 2004!]
Blowing shit up is patrioticCollapse )

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